Prompt Post 1

[capkinkmod]

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At least one of the characters in your prompt must have been in Captain America: The First Avenger or Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

As of May 3, 2014, the spoiler policy is no longer in effect.

Update, April 22, 2014:
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Fill: Title
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Fill: And I Am Always with You, Part 15

[lauralot]

The asset remains resigned to death until it becomes apparent that the death will not be immediate. Minutes go by and he is still lying there, crushed, pinned down and unable to do anything but think and feel. He doesn't want to do either of those things, but as has been the case all day and possibly longer, his mind is not giving him a choice.

He has failed his mission. He has failed Pierce, HYDRA, the world. He is a weapon that has failed to strike his target and as such he is so worthless that, were his guns within reach, he might put himself down. He is broken and his continued existence is a mistake. The asset struggles—if he can free himself and eliminate the mission then maybe HYDRA will want him again—but he remains trapped, a constant and hurting reminder of his failure. He thinks he can feel the air slowly pressing from his lungs, and that gets the voice started again.

[no I don't want to die please I can't die I'm awake now I can be again I don't want this]

It doesn't matter what he wants. Wanting, in addition to being entirely inappropriate for the asset, does not move the beam. All the wanting accomplishes is causing him to hyperventilate, lose air faster, make him struggle and gasp

[like a trapped animal]

and when he hears the mission move, he stares at him, wide-eyed and heart pounding. The man has come to kill him or to watch as the life fades from his body. He fights harder, achieving nothing, eyes blank and uncomprehending when the mission kneels near him and begins lifting the beam, shouting with effort.

The man's actions are incomprehensible and the asset is overwhelmed, reacting on pure instinct. The beam is lifting and he manages to free the metal arm, uses it to push himself away and scramble to freedom. The dislocated arm is cradled against his body and he is hunched on the floor, aching, hardly able to move. Part of his mind screams to finish the mission and the other part wants to run and hide from all of this until things inside him are quiet again. He is caught between the reactions, paralyzed.

Until the mission speaks.

"You know me."

The mission is pulling himself upright and the asset does the same. Even while something in him is insisting Yes, yes, I know you, I trust you, and he is losing his balance, he feels his blood boil. Who the hell is this man, to make him feel things he never wanted to feel and can't even name, to try and treat the asset like a human without even thinking that maybe the asset does not want to be a person?

He is falling, but he manages a punch while he does. "No I don't!"

"Bucky," the mission pleads, hauling himself up a second time.

The asset recoils inasmuch as he can while faltering on unsteady legs. Every time the mission says that name it hurts, and every time the Soldier feels on the verge of collapsing. Collapsing is not an option. Fulfilling mission is the only thing that matters. It is the only thing that ever matters and once this man is put down, everything will make sense again. It has to.

"You've known me your whole life."

Life? What life? His life has consisted of a tank and a chair, and sometimes locations where he points a gun or slices flesh. That is his life. Where was this man for any of that?

[no he was there he stayed with me I remember he was there]

No, he couldn't have been. Because if he were, he'd have saved the asset from—from what? What was there to be saved from? He was a weapon and he was utilized appropriately, and the thought of needing to be saved only demonstrates that the mission has damaged or infected his mind and must be eliminated. And this man wouldn't save him even if he needed it; he just choked the asset and dislocated his shoulder. The Soldier shouts, backhands the mission, falls a third time.

When he gets back up, the mission is speaking again. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

"Shut up!" he screams, knocking the mission back. He doesn't want a name, he doesn't want to be, he doesn't want to feel or think or do anything but go back to the cold and dark and safety. Everything he has ever known or understood is going to pieces like the helicarrier around them and he is

[horrified]

not going to let the mission tear down any more of his world.

When he gets to his feet, the mission has removed his helmet. The asset stares at his

[familiar]

face and he thinks he could fall into the mission's arms and stay there, which doesn't make any sense because the only ways to touch he knows are combat and punishment and that is neither of the two.

"I'm not gonna fight you," the mission says. He lets the shield fall into the water beneath them. "You're my friend."

[friend I want to be your friend no you can't just tell me that's what I am I don't want this I don't want any of this you can't force it on me I don't need a friend I don't want a friend I don't]

The asset shouts, tackles him. "You're my mission," he insists, because he is, because that's all he is and the Soldier refuses to let him be anything else. He punches again and again and the mission is no longer speaking but the asset's mind is still flooded with thoughts he can't shake, mind searching for memories that aren't there. "You're! My! Mission!" Each word is punctuated with another blow, and the mission's face is all bloody and the asset thinks that's a familiar sight, thinks that means he should be protecting instead of striking, and though he forces his arm back another punch does not follow.

"Then finish it," the mission says, as the Soldier stares, panting, not comprehending the man's behavior. "'Cause I'm with you 'till the end of the line."

The asset is frozen as if he's back in the cryo-tank. His heart is going so quickly that it's a deafening pounding in his ears, he can barely breathe, his head is spinning and hurting and he doesn't understand, doesn't understand what this man is doing, why he's feeling the things he is or feeling at all, doesn't understand what line he's talking about or why it's making the asset act this way or—

[Steve]

The mission—the man—his name is Steve.

It's all he can remember, but it's enough. He knows Steve, somehow. And Steve knows him.

[Steve, what have I done to you?]

And if Steve knows him, that means the person—James Buchanan Barnes—that's him. Because Steve wouldn't lie. The asset is a person.

He's a person and the glass is shattering beneath them before the Soldier can react to what it means to be human. The metal arm reaches up and grabs hold of the beam to keep from falling, acting on instinct so deeply programmed that even the shock of being alive can't impede it.

Below him, Steve is falling into the water.

He won't have the strength to swim to safety. The mission is completed.

[no the mission doesn't matter Steve matters he's my friend]

The Soldier hesitates. There has only ever been the mission. Without a mission, without orders, he is lost.

[I'm a person I can choose]

He doesn't want to choose. He doesn't understand how to be a person, how to feel and think and act autonomously. It's

[terrifying]

not something that has ever entered his mind and he has no way to cope. The world was so much smaller this morning and he wishes it were that way again.

But Steve is slipping below the surface of the water, and the Soldier thinks, No.

He doesn't understand why he lets go of the beam, why he swims and searches when he reaches the water instead of letting the weight of his arm pull him down. They could drown here, the two of them. They could

[go to the end of the line]

slip away and everything would be quiet and he'd be here with the man who makes him feel, but without having to feel anything.

But it is because Steve makes him feel something that he can't drown. He feels something he doesn't understand, but knows that something is precious. It's something that he must shelter and protect as if it were his handler, or some state of the line weapon he must be very careful with. So when he finds Steve under the water, eyes closed, he pulls him to the shore.

Water is leaking out of Steve's mouth when the Soldier deposits him on the sand. His body is breathing. The asset thinks You never did know when to give up without understanding why he thinks it. He stares down at Steve. The man is bloodied and bruised and his face manages to be familiar and wrong all at once. The Soldier straightens up. He thinks he is frightened. His world is gone.

But he is alive now, even though he never wanted to be. He chose to save Steve. He can choose. And he has a name. There was a person in this body once and maybe he can find that person again, find out who James Buchanan Barnes was and what relationship he had to Steve. Maybe if he finds James Buchanan Barnes he can figure out why Steve makes him feel so frightened and strange and alive.

So he chooses to go and find Barnes.