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capkinkmod ([personal profile] capkinkmod) wrote in [community profile] capkink2014-02-11 08:29 pm

Prompt Post 1

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At least one of the characters in your prompt must have been in Captain America: The First Avenger or Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

As of May 3, 2014, the spoiler policy is no longer in effect.

Update, April 22, 2014:
For fills, please use the following format:
Fill: Title
Including the pairing, warnings/CNTW, and any other information after the fill and title in the subject line or in the first line of the comment.

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Fill: Baby, You Shouldn't Be Alive [6/7?]

[personal profile] twinkats 2014-05-19 12:31 pm (UTC)(link)

Steve had a word for what he was, now. He had a word after he woke up (he didn’t want to wake up ever again) to the sound of the Dodgers game. He had a word after he learned of the internet and the changes in the world. He had a word after he fought alongside the others, after he settled back and let the world and the missions wash over him.

Mutant. He was a mutant.

Steve read up on the phenomenon, on the legislature and the literature about it. He read up on the two known factions (Brotherhood, Xavier’s School) and he thought for a moment to visit, to see one of these people (Xavier seemed like the better choice) and talk about it, because he needed to talk about it. He needed to tell someone and talk to someone about this whole thing, about his tendency to jump off of tall buildings and put himself into situations where he risked the chance of never waking up again.

(he didn’t want to wake up he never wanted to wake up again God why couldn’t you let him die?)

Two years rolled around and it was May and suddenly the world (Natasha, Sam, Fury, SHIELD) began to make less and less and more and more sense. He’d floated in a haze of not-feeling ever since waking up, ever since New York and the Chitauri when it finally hit home that this wasn’t home. Steve drifted, and he knew Natasha noticed because she kept trying to fix it, but what she kept doing wouldn’t work. No dame would know him like Bucky could, so no dame held interest to him like Bucky did.

Besides, they’d leave him in the end. Steve wasn’t worth it. He was a mutant that didn’t stay dead.

But then things got weird, and as they got weird they started to make sense. Steve found himself a purpose (Zola, HYDRA, SHIELD, it all had to go) he found himself meaning. He found a target to take out his broken mind on and he set himself up for it. He was ready to tear SHIELD down and HYDRA with it, to end the Winter Soldier and to avenge Nick Fury who was the closest person he’d ever come to just outright telling.

(he’d imagined the scenario more than once, imagined himself saying “Sir, I think you should know that I’m a mutant. I don’t die” and imagined Fury’s reaction, the wide eyed deadpanned stare and the mutter of, “I already knew that Rogers tell me something I don’t know” and for the fleetest of moments Steve thought he’d feel happiness)

Except then, except then he saw the face beneath the mask. It felt like a punch to the gut, it felt like he’d lost his ability to breath, that suddenly he was ninety pounds five-five and asthmatic again. It took him longer than he liked to process it all, longer than he’d want to put it all together and formulate a plan, but then Steve had a plan.

(“Don’t ever leave me,” Bucky had said along with several other curses and promises to never put himself in the position of needing to wake up like that again)

Steve planned to die. It was that simple. He grabbed the museum piece, the tights from his showgirl days (“You gonna keep the costume?”) with the knowledge that if Bucky shot him it wouldn’t protect him. He geared himself up, psyched himself into the mindset which truthfully he didn’t need much of, and then went off to war. This had to work. Dying had to wake up Bucky, remind Bucky of everything, and Steve would take Bucky being pissed at him for doing it over this tortured being that HYDRA made him into.

So when he stood on the bridge and Bucky was there--

(“Don’t make me do this, Buck”)

When he broke or dislocated Bucky’s arm--

(“Drop it!”)

When he squeezed until Bucky went limp, when Bucky got back up and shot him--

(pain, but not fatal, fuck Bucky make it fatal)

When he let Bucky beat him, let Bucky use him, let Bucky see him--

(“I’m with you till the end of the line,” he breathed, a promise, their promise)

And when he fell--

(isn’t this ironic? I couldn’t catch you, I couldn’t save you, I watched you fall now you watch me do the same)

When he hit the water and the breath left him--

(I can’t breathe I can’t think Bucky where is Bucky please Bucky save me save me I’m drowning)

When he drowned and it all went black, when he died--

(he could see a hand reach out, grab him, just before it faded away into nothing again)

When he woke up on the beach, bleeding, to see Bucky walk away Steve knew it was worth it. He promised himself this was the last time, because after this he’d find Bucky. Bucky would remember and then everything in Steve’s life would be right again.

(later he woke up in the hospital and he felt satisfied, guilty but satisfied, and he murmured, “On your left” with a smile because he knew Sam would help him, because Bucky dragged him out of the water and saved his life)